Guys! Seriously, humans never cease to amaze me! So, after posting my article on body shaming, someone highlighted that my husband loved me then (as in he married me FAT!) Too fat! Too thin!
As if for some reason fat girls aren’t worthy of love? Fat girls don’t deserve to be happy, fat girls can’t be attractive? Like somehow as women all we have to bring to the table is our weigh, our bodies, our looks?! Like if you don’t have a ‘slim’ body to offer you are doomed? Not marriage material, lucky to be considered or blessed to have at least one man willing to look in your direction? That maybe my husband deserved a prize for being the guy to fall in love with a fat girl and actually marry her? What?! I had a million questions…but I also felt like this was not a conversation worth engaging!
Guys she proceeded to say ‘Im sure he is happy about the weight loss’ I Literally had to manage my emotions!!! So it’s like now that I’ve lost a bit of weight I deserve a little more love? The fact that I’ve spent the last 6 years of my life building a family with him, making his house a home, nurturing his son and bearing him more sons, looking after his family, helping him achieve his goals and dreams? The fact that I have invested myself, my life and my time into the man you see today doesn’t count? No! I’ve lost weight, now I might be slightly eligible, minutely worthy?…ya humans neh!
When I started gaining excessive weight after my mom passed, he knew and saw this but he also saw me slipping into a deep emotional depression and even during this time he too was concerned about me, my overall wellbeing. The weight gain was the end result, what the world could see. I’m seriously worried about a society that believes that keeping a covenant with your God and bondage created with your ancestors is dependent on how much you weigh at any particular time! No doubt the weight gain got to a point where it concerned him, but he knew not to try me!!! LOL!!! Me deciding to take control of my weight and health actually had nothing to do with him at all. It was and still is about me and trust me he knows this well!
Personally, I believe the best things about me are not the thing you can see! I bring so much to the table and trust when I say I’m certain of this! But outside of this I have never equated my beauty, sex appeal or my worth as a woman to my weight! I have always believed that how you view yourself also counts for a lot! To be honest, I even find it hard to relate to people who look at before pictures of themselves and don’t recognise themselves. When I look at old pictures of myself, I see myself! I remember being unhappy too but I fully recognise myself. The girl you see today is exactly the same girl I was when I was heavier! The essence of who I am has not changed! I was as hard working, as driven, as focused, as goal orientated as I am now. Granted my goals were a little different- all I wanted, all I needed then was to survive the loss of the greatest love I had ever known (my mother) and guess what, I survived! It was hard and painful but I’m here and today I am strong enough to focus on other things, like my health and holistic wellbeing for example. My victory is not losing the weight, my victory is being able to pull myself out of the darkest hole I’d ever been in. I’m not lazy and have always been the girl concerned with looking good and please believe me, I always made an effort and I felt good even when I was heavy.
The baby father knows me! The person I am and one of the reasons I fell in love with him is because he sees me. Me being able to turn my health around and lose the weight is no shocker for him, he knows me, he knows the real me; the best things about me and now the worst things about me too (depression). This was a huge learning curve for us both and unfortunately no marriage comes with a user guide and we had to find our feet and thank you Father that we did. We have so much in common, we like the same food, and we have the same humour, we enjoy doing the same stuff. He has always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world! And trust that when he has a conversation with me, he isn’t talking to my body or making decisions about our children’s future with my body. No!