My life has changed so much in the last couple of months. I thought I was ready, I thought I was prepared but actually I had no idea what was about to come!
Basically my days start at 4:30am and end with me unintentionally passed out mid conversation with the baby father at around 9pm. Also, I have a 15 month old toddler who’s sleeping patterns aren’t always the most reliable! I’m exhausted! Trust me I have plenty of time to reflect on this in my 3 hours of traffic a day! (I am very bitter about my current relationship with the road!) I’m doing just under 140kms a day- round trip. I prayed for this…but I don’t think I was very specific about the small things and I’m exhausted! It’s in the detail people!
Within a week of starting my new role, I knew that studying this year was just not an option. The distance alone posed too much of a challenge. I was always going to be late for lectures in the afternoon. I’m glad I made this decision, because lectures would only end at 9:30pm and I would still need to drive home. I don’t get to see the kids in the mornings and studying would’ve meant only seeing them 2 or 3 nights a week & weekends would be for studying. I think that would have been too much change all at once for my boys, as it is- we are barely coping!
My plan, my perfect plan was to just develop a new routine for the family and have us all stick to it and actually, we didn’t do too badly in the first couple of weeks. I started my sessions with the trainer, I was squeezing in a run here and there and basically I was doing it!
Until I was hit by a serious case of bronchitis which had me out of action for close to 3 weeks. And quite honestly, my life hasn’t been the same since! I was able to slowly ease myself back into my gym routine (and having paid for the trainer in advance made this easier😂 we don’t waste money!) But I haven’t been able to run since! Ok, I did like one little 4km run this week which was hell and I felt like I was gonna die! But outside of that I haven’t run much. (Treadmill running doesn’t count for me! That’s the warm up for my gym workouts)
And can we talk about the food!! 😩😩 My cravings are at an all time high😔 And while I try, my eating is nowhere close to as clean as it should be. I cook a healthy meal every night and I do pack my lunches for work in the week.
Mainly the weekend and social settings is where my diet goes to die. I never used to struggle with this but lately…Also the hubby and I’s 3 month drinking break failed dismally this year!☺️ This coming from a girl who is living proof that diet is everything!!! You can’t out run a poor diet! You know things are bad!
To date I’ve been fluctuating at around the same weight for the last 3 months and to be honest, it’s felt like the biggest waste of time, money and effort. I’d say I’ve lost about 12kgs but it’s been the same 3-4kgs every time! I lose it in the week to gain it back in the weekend! Like, if I’m not going to meet some goals why torture yourself and wake up at 4:30am every morning and pay for trainer? It’s counter productive!
I had such high hopes for myself this year like being a king intermittent faster, improving my running pace, doing a few more races, changing my body composition and shedding that last bit of weight to reach my ultimate goal. But it seems I’ve hit a pothole!!!
I was chatting to a lady at the gym the other day and sharing my frustration and she said ‘maybe you have lost all the weight you can’. She thinks there’s a cap to how much weight one person can lose. Dear God! Let this not be the case! I have body goals🙆🏾♀️
I have to be honest I was starting to doubt myself too! That I can’t go that last mile…And while I was attending my son’s rugby tournament another mom told me about some diet where you inject yourself. Guys, I actually considered it!😔 Like after all the work I have done to get to where I am right now. Wholistic healthy…not just thinner! I thought about being the girl forever on some diet again- no! It’s so much more than just a weight loss thing, a body goals things (yes it would be great to age like fine wine!) My health is more important to me because I want to give my kids something I didn’t get- a mother in their adult years and a grandmother for their kids!
Then the other day my cousin posted something about needing to admit when you are standing in your own way, when your failures and short comings are your own fault and this right here is one such moment for me!
I have the tools, I have the know how! I’ve have successfully done this before and I can do it again. I’m am not afraid to be a beginner, I’m not afraid to learn, I’m not afraid to start from the bottom, I’m not afraid of hard of work!
So I’m going back to basics!