I never quite understood how much my mother loved me until the day I held my Choc in my arms for the very first time! Like, I knew she loved me…but I actually had no cooking clue just how much!
My mother and I had an awesome relationship, she was strict, no nonsense but she was the dopest! The dope part I only started to understand as I got older, as a kid I thought she hated me😂 she made me work hard, expected the most & was just super strict nje! In fact I remember at some point wondering if I wasn’t adopted🙈😂 And the smacks?! She was super quick, your ducking game had to be on 10 000! When dealing with Mama, you had to make sure to check yourself!! Check your tone! Check your face! Check your body language! If she sensed even the slightest attitude, it was going down! She brought us into the world, she wasn’t afraid to take us out! By the time we were in our teens she had brought her art down to a look! One look and you knew!!!
You would think she would tone this down a little when there were guests in the house- nope! She would be like that even with my friends, if you were in our house you had to comply!
I remember her constantly telling my sister and I that she wasn’t our friend! My mother didn’t care for our favour😂 She wanted results! She had found that sweet spot between being unbelievably hard but also very loving at the same time!
She wanted us to be self sufficient, to be hard working, to apply ourselves and understand the value of hard work. She wanted us to be respectful, to be kind and considerate of others- always! She wanted to give us the tools, the ability to make it at this life thing!
I found her unbelievably progressive! Unlike most moms at the time, she wasn’t too concerned about what we wore. She stressed the importance of us feeling comfortable in our own skins! She always reminded us that our looks can’t be the only thing we bring to the table. She was always reminding us of the importance of being true to yourself, being kind to yourself and loving yourself! Also, we were never allowed to date the kind of guy you couldn’t bring home. That whole guy picking you up at the gate without coming inside to greet didn’t fly. (Looking back, I think it was about control!😂)
My mom always lead by example! She was unbelievably hard working, she had a work ethic like no other. Growing up I was never really sure what she did for a living, all I knew was that it was important, demanding, in the big Bank and that she was always studying! I knew that my dad thought she was super smart and was always so proud of her.
I remember her being everyone’s shoulder to cry on, everyone’s confidant! Like you need life advise ask Sis’ Olga, your kid giving you problems send them to Sis’ Olga, you got life problems Sis’ Olga will fix it! She was amazing with people and everyone loved her.
Home always felt like home cause of my mom’s cooking and baking, she was just amazing at it! She did it with so much joy! My memories of family functions, holidays and even ordinary Sundays are filled with my mama with a dishcloth on her shoulder and the beautiful smell of food in the air and my dad’s musics collection playing in the background!
My mom was always happy! She had a smile that literally lit up a room! She was the girl concerned about her looks, in fact my cousin Sbosh who was lobola’d this past January said while we helped her get ready ‘Sis’ Olga would turn in her grave if I didn’t wear lipstick!’ 😂 it’s just who she was! On my matric dance she got me my very 1st bottle of Chanel perfume- I still wear this fragrance on special occasions! It reminds me of her!
My mom used to love walking, she would leave randomly on a Saturday morning and ‘go for a walk!’ I had no idea that this was her form of exercise till one day while I was sitting with her at the hospital after her weekly dialysis sessions and she said ‘I’ll have to pick up my pace and distance on my next walk’ When I asked why she told me the doctor told her she is picking up weight and she is feeling a little heavy and sluggish. My shock, this woman who had been at death’s door so many times before was worried about her weight?
I told her that her weight should be the least of her concerns! Which she chuckled ‘it is! It’s more about how I feel in my own skin, doesn’t matter how sick I get, I still want to feel good in my own skin.’ Most days I wish I could wake her up and tell her- I get it now Mama!
In her final years she would say often that the true test of her abilities as a mother would be tested when she passed, that how my sister and I carried on after her death would be the best testimony of her ability as a mother.
My sister and I now look back at all her ‘unbelievable’ requirements and her ‘super strict’ ways and we are unbelievably greatful for it all! Even the stricter parts- we get it now!
I have so many moments that I wish I could share with my mother, so much I’d want to tell her, so much I’d want to ask! But most days I just want to tell her thank you for it all, for the love, the strictness, the compromises, the selflessness, for family, for values, for the hugs, the laughs for happiness…
We remember you Mama in a happy way❤️